I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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