32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
