If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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