It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
