If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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