Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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