So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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