Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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