I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize