come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
