Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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