What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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