Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
