Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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