there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
