my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
