No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
