Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
