Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
