To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
