i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
