I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
