Jerry, you need to find god
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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