I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
