you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
