he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
