Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
