I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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