R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
