I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
