If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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