when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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