im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
thus making me awesome and them whores
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
