i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
