did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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