It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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