Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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