i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
