oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
