Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
