You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
