hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
