can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
