our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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