i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
