If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
