Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Randomize
