I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
third nipple confirmed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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