i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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