You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
wow bdsm is so cute
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
