I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize