I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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