the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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