i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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