Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
