i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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