I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
