Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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