I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
