Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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