I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
whose ass print is on the piano?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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