And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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