My friends, they love my intelligence
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
