My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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