You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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