1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
